By One Smile
by JetNoir
Summary: Part One of Irvine's Trilogy. A very dark psychological thriller about Irvine's search for a lost city, haunted by a beautiful and violent woman. Repressed memory? Vision of the future? Or merely a dream that threatens his very sanity...
1. Prologue

**Note:** I've never written a story before that I have decided to rate 'R', and to perfectly honest was in two minds about posting it. Anyway, I like it and I hope you do. This story, however, has been rated for strong language, violence, and sexual themes.

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

**La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.**

**Final Fantasy Eight**

**BY ONE SMILE**

**JetNoir**

PROLOGUE

_This is the noise that keeps me awake_

_My head explodes and my body aches_

_But don't worry baby_

_We'll be alright._

**Garbage.**

"Stop...Please just stop.

Please don't do this. Don't."

A dreamer.

Asleep at night; the murmurings of a restless man.

The room was dark, the only illumination coming from a rapidly setting moon, upon which a slit could be seen through heavy blinds.

"NO!" the man screamed, and with a startled gasp, flew upright. His startling brown eyes glimmered as he blinked blearily, and gently rubbed sleep from the corners, then checked the clock to the side of the bed.

One hour before dawn.

One hour before this endless night comes to a close.

The man swung his legs gently out of the sweat-soaked covers, and stumbled into the shower down the hall.

Drying himself off, he pulled on black trousers, and t-shirt; a floor-length black leather jacket and matching leather gloves. Almost as an afterthought the man pulled on a black cowboy hat. He was not in the mood for being frivolous. Irvine Kinneas was a man on the edge of his sanity.

He slid out of his room in Balamb Garden, even though the curfew was still in place, and quietly slipped towards the front gate. The Garden was back in Balamb for the next few weeks, for its annual maintenance so there was no danger of him being left behind.

Elsewhere in the garden, a small brunette was working busily in the Quad. With special permission from Headmaster Cid, she was preparing for the annual Garden Festival, which was in a few weeks. From the corner of her eye, she caught a dark-clad figure walking away. Her curiosity piqued, she decided to follow.

The sea crashing onto the beach provided an odd contrast with the dejected Irvine, shoulders slumped as he stared out to the blue abyss.

"What is it?" a voice asked behind him. Irvine jumped and whirled around. Selphie gasped as she saw the haunted look on Irvine's face, growing stubble, black rings, and red stained eyes.

Irvine turned to leave, but the persistent brunette grabbed his arm tightly, concerned.

"What is it, Irvy?" she repeated, quietly.

"The same dream," Irvine whispered, "again, and again. Going around my brain. I feel I'm going insane!"

"Tell me," Selphie pleaded, "let me help."

So he did, on the cold beach, the sea a cacophony of pain, he told the story, his story, of an artists search for a lost city.

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	2. Chapter One

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

**La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.**

**Final Fantasy Eight**

**BY ONE SMILE**

**JetNoir**

CHAPTER ONE

"_Being first isn't always the most important thing in life;_

_It's where you end up that matters most."_

**Mum.**

I was working by the sea again.

I always love it at this time of year, the rolling and crashing of the sea against the soft grains of the beach. I had always thought of myself as lucky, living in such a beautiful yet partially isolated location. It was some way from Winhill. Close enough to get there in a short amount of time, yet far enough away for solitude.

Except from her.

My love. My hate. My muse.

The sun has just risen, and is casting a soft yellow light over the soft yellow sand, and warm blue sea.

"Painting again?" called out a voice from the house, "That's all you ever do is bloody paint!"

Here she was. Illyana. Not Galbadian but Centran. Go figure.

She is wearing only a long silk purple slip that perfectly fits and accents her willowy body. She is of average height – about 5' 10" – with short brown hair that falls softly and a snub nose with a mouth that is neither small nor large.

She is not merely pretty, but is truly beautiful; although I have always felt that even those words could ever describe the _true_ way she looks.

She walks towards me, her short delicate feet making decisive strides, echoed by the prints following her in the sand. When she is next to me, she puts her hands on her hips, pulling and tightening the material, her lips partly open, teasingly. All sweetness and light.

Yet.

There is something in her eyes. A steely determination. I kiss her gently on the cheek then turn back to my painting. She sighs heavily.

"Do you want some breakfast?" she asks. I turn and raise an eyebrow at the unusual request.

"Yes, please."

"Then make it yourself!" she snaps, and runs back to the house. This time _I_ sigh and continue to paint.

Later that day, a few hours after lunch, I decide to go swimming. Perhaps to see the blue, to get up close and personal with the beautiful wet. Maybe to get away from the stony silence that Illyana has been exuding all day.

Once again I am painting. Night has fallen, and the only illumination is from the large and opalescent moon, with tiny stars, each a small brilliance of perception.

"Would you like to go swimming?" asks Illyana softly. I jumped, startled, as I did not hear her approach.

"Not at the minute, thankyou," I smiled, but by the look on her face I realised that I had made the wrong choice.

"Bastard!" she screamed, and slapped me, hard, on the face, "You just keep abandoning me! Leaving me to work on that stupid painting!" She stepped back, her face flushed, then kicked me in the groin. I double over gasping, unable to do anything but watch as she fled into the sea, still wearing the slip she had on this morning.

A few minutes later she returned. I hadn't moved and she was crying.

"I'm so sorry," she wept, kneeling over me, cradling my head with her arms. She stood up, and took a deep breath, still whispering apologies, then began to tear at her clothes, until she stood before me: wet, and naked, and beautiful.

"Just hold me," she whispered, lying down next to me.

And so we held each other, all night, lying on the sand, my painting forgotten.

Such is my life. It seems that this is how it's always been.

**Note: **So what's next? Paintings, lost cities, and an _awful_ lot of rain!

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	3. Chapter Two

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

**La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.**

**Final Fantasy Eight **

**BY ONE SMILE **

**JetNoir**

CHAPTER TWO

_Cole: "Its not right."_

_Kidnapped Man: "I've been saying that all day."_

**Alien: Resurrection **

We lay there all night. Almost. All night.

The moon was setting, its ethereal glow radiant as it flashed along the sea. However, in a few moments rain began pouring from the heavens, starting a flood that any good _Water_ caster would be proud of. I was instantly struck by a choice.

Should I rescue Illyana or the painting first?

Instinctively, I moved towards my precious painting, then, reconsidering my tender groin, moved towards Illyana, picked her up, gently taking her inside. I placed her on the bed, and then ran back outside where the rain was rapidly becoming torrential. I grabbed my slightly smudged work and ran once again inside the dark house. Funnily enough, I felt that it actually looked better now. Strange.

Maybe it was just me.

The sex was as good as always – even with sore extremities – but our intimacy seemed to have taken on a darker tone.

Sometimes, I wonder why I put up with this. By morning she seemed completely reconciled to the idea to my painting. Perhaps she realised how much it meant to me. Perhaps she realised that I couldn't paint with rain pouring like there would be no tomorrow. Funny how little statements like that can become so...apt.

"So, darling, what do you plan to do today?" she asked, her voice huskier than usual.

"I had a dream last night," I murmured, "just a hunch, but I want to see how it plays out."

"Sure?" she replied, smiling slightly, "sure you don't want to stay here with me? I'll make it worth your while..." The teasing temptation lingered in the air in-between us, and already I felt myself responding to her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "but I have to go. My stipend is going to run out soon, if I don't find results. I have to go, but later. Well, lets just say I'm very willing." She smiled at me, so I grabbed a coat, and slipped out the door.

In my dream, I recognised the place that had been its location. It was a few miles away from my house, and so as I pulled away in my car, the rain thinned away. It was still early, and in this place – microclimates permitting – a thick mist hung close to the ground.

My work at the University seemed to be the choice of the Head, as a mildly controversial scholar, he seemed almost too eager to get rid of me. My belief was that somewhere in the Galbadian continent is a Lost City; and my goal is to find it. I believe that my paintings are useful in that they are an outpouring of my soul, and some 'radicals' in the University have traced my heritage to those so-called 'denizens' of the so-called 'lost city'. It was a compromise that my allies sought, because the Head merely wanted my dismissal. I never knew what I had done to offend him, but it seemed that this compromise was the easiest way to protect me, yet many also wanted to know more.

It took me some time to arrive, and by now the mist had lifted and the rain had caught up with me. I parked the car, got out and locked it. Before me lay a new beach, with a large expanse of caves and cliffs stretching far into the ether. I smiled slightly with a slight sense of recognition, even though I had never been here before in my life.

I tightened my coat, and hurried along the now damp sand, towards what might be seen as my destiny, or what others might see as the foolish error of a desperate man.

**Note:** The Lost City is revealed next chapter! Hope you enjoyed it, and please review!

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir **


	4. Chapter Three

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.

**Final Fantasy Eight  
BY ONE SMILE **

**JetNoir**

CHAPTER THREE

"_wonder now world deny may or believe"_

**e. e. cummings **

I kept running towards the cliffs, the fog rolling in from the sea, faster and faster, until everywhere was covered in an intangible mist, a barrier that stopped not movement, but sight.

I soon reached my goal, before visibility had gone, and a sank to the floor in an exhausted heap. Here it was. The place of my dreams. The location of the lost city.

There I slept, alone, and without Ilyana, weary of my search, an just wanting a normal life.

_forever_

I leapt upright as I heard a word spoken. No one there.

I was wide awake now, and had no feasible option but to continue my search.

The caves were bare as I wandered deeper into the darkness, deeper into the omniscient, never-ending, absence of light. 

_why here? why waste your life on what is past? turn back, turn away. only your ruin awaits._

Once again, that voice. The fell wind, fey voices, all spun around and in my head, almost pushing me back.

_not here. no, not here…turn back._

The moon was starting to slowly rise, blood red, as if a Lunar Cry was about to start. Can we survive this world, constantly attacking each other, our petty struggles forcing the world to change?

What was the point of the world?

Water started dripping on my head, stalactites, and stalagmites forming around me. The cave was desolate, silent, and I was alone, and alone.

There really isn't anything left to say.

I walked for what felt like hours, in this singular cave, the one place of truth.

I almost walked into the back of the cave. No rubble. Completely natural. I pulled out a scanner – in front of me was solid rock.

Why? How could this be?

Again, I sunk down to the floor and wept as the failure, my failure, slowly sunk in.

There was nothing here.

**Note:** OK, last note I lied! Next chapter, stipends, situations, and the beginning of the end. Hope you enjoyed it, and please review!

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	5. Chapter Four

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.

**Final Fantasy Eight  
BY ONE SMILE**

**JetNoir**

CHAPTER FOUR

"_and all the graven images of her gods_

_he hath broken unto the ground…"_

**Isaiah, 21:9**

I stayed in the cave for as long as I dared, but soon enough, it was evident that there was nothing to be gained by lingering. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I headed out towards the sand.

Sunlight was beginning to rise, slowly, its reaches lighting up the sky, and pushing the darkness, pushing the moon away. I climbed down from the entrance, and walked steadily towards the car.

It was a while before I pulled in at my house. There were no lights on, so as I strolled in, I made sure I was as quiet as humanly possible.

There she was. Illyana. Asleep, her purple shift distorted, breath gently inhaling and exhaling. I leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek. She stirred, mumbled something unintelligible, and went back to sleep.

Dropping into a chair, absolutely exhausted, I switched on the computer, to find a message, in the bottom corner of the screen: 1 MESSAGE(S) WAITING.

Dear Sir,

We at the Council of the University have deemed you must be summoned to an emergency meeting. Your presence is required at three hours past midday on the second day of the week.

Yours,

_The Council of the University of Galbadia._

I knew that a summons such as this could bring nothing but bad news, but even I could not have foreseen what was to come…or rather, I knew what _might_ happen – but I certainly could never have conceived of it.

The Beach

"Irvy," said Selphie, "I don't understand. What you've been telling me…sexually charged…dark…but, a nightmare?"

Irvine Kinneas shook his head, and stood up, shaking sand from his trousers.

"Oh, believe me Selphie…it's about to get a hell of a lot worse."

The Story

The University's tall spires broke the beautiful blue sky into a multitude of aquamarine triangles and squares. The sun lit the back beautifully, and I stood for a moment, gazing at it, wordlessly.

"Dr?" I heard someone call my name. I responded and turned: "It's time, isn't it?" The man nodded:

"Follow me," he said, and I did.

The darkened hallways smelled of wood, and dust – a place of learning, that no place anywhere on the planet could surpass. I realised that I loved this place, and that I had missed it, terribly.

As I walked into the Head's office, I saw that the entire council had been convened, and their faces were all grim.

"Thankyou for coming before us," said the Head, "…and I have no easy way to say this. The Council has decided that the work you have been doing for the University has not been productive. Dreams. Paintings. Lost Cities. Where have these theories taken you? Nowhere. Sir…I respect your believes, and I respect your work, but you are an unnecessary drain on our rapidly dwindling resources. Therefore…we revoke your position of Doctor…and we are closing you down. Effective immediately."

* * *

**Note:** Well, the harrowing conclusion comes next chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, and please review!

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	6. Chapter Five

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.

**Final Fantasy Eight  
BY ONE SMILE**

**JetNoir**

**Note:** Just to say, some may find the following upsetting (although this is rated R!). Just so you know!

CHAPTER FIVE

_Cary Grant: "What are you doing in here?"_

_Audrey Hepburn: "I'm having a nervous breakdown."_

**Charade **

Sometimes I curse this beautiful life that has been given to me. Admittedly, it was hardly perfect – my strange choice in women – but this? Did I really deserve this?

What could I do about it?

I'd been closed down.

Irrevocably discharged.

Stopped.

I first thought was that perhaps the situation would right itself. Then I shook my head and realised that that was hardly the correct ideal. Appeal…no, impossible. It would be thrown straight out.

Damn! Of all the times this had to happen. I looked at the sky as I drove slowly away, towards my small house. That would have to go. Illyana would have to go. I opened the car's window, and decided to listen to some music, and fumbling around randomly for a disk, I fervently wished that the radios of this strange and bizarre world still worked. No communication. Dictators. Wars. Yet, this entire landscape was so _beautiful_. As if the horrors the world was enduring had just bypassed it completely.

Eyes On Me.

Oh, the irony!

Miss Heartilly's beautiful voice flowed over me, as I continued onwards in my mad struggle, my descent, into an even pettier life.

I ached to paint. I ached to hold Illyana. So what was I now? Nothing.

The word echoed over and over in my mind, showing my failure. Was I really a fool? Really this misguided?

I was soon back, the light streaming over my back as I walked towards my future. What was I going to do? What was I going to tell Illyana?

It seems that Fate had other ideas however, as any and all options were swiftly taken out of my hands.

As I softly opened the door, and walked forwards, I felt something _extremely_ heavy smash over the back of my head, and suddenly I was falling.

Then nothing.

When I awoke, it was to the strange sight of my paintings grouped around a small room, I was incarcerated in, my beautiful and hideous paintings, so with my arms and legs tied to the sturdy metal chair I was sitting in, I could do nothing but watch.

In front of me was Illyana, red streaking her face, and in horror, I realised that the red was _blood._ Her arms had been scratched viciously, and her purple shift had been ripped.

"Illyana!" I cried, "What's happened? Who did this to you?"

"I did this to me," she screeched, "me, you stupid son of a bitch! They've closed you down haven't you! What did I tell you? If you keep on at this pathetic act, they'll just stop you! You're the only one to blind to see!"

In desperation, her nails reached up to her face, and she slowly scratched her cheek, eyes lit with a dark insanity.

"Illyana!" I cried again, "Stop this! What do you think it will accomplish?"

"The end." Her tone was oddly dull, as for such a passionate women; her words were always full of energy, of life. Now they were dead.

Slowly and deliberately, she knelt, and reaching behind her picked up a match, lit it, and smiling miserably, placed it on the floor.

It was then I smelled the alcohol. Placed in a line on the floor…and smothering my paintings. The beautiful fire sprang out, and kissed the first painting I ever created, and moved like a disease to the circle around us.

"It's the greatest hurt I could think of darling," she said, "the worst thing that could ever happen to you." I was close to weeping, but then – as if this twisted story could get any worse – I saw the gun. A piece of metal created for violence, she slowly raised it at my head, but she didn't stop there. She continued until it pointed at _her_ head. Placing it in her mouth, her eyes locked on mine, and I saw the insane fire that fuelled her had gone out.

Then she winked.

Then she pulled the trigger.

I cried out, as all my emotions surged towards the surface, as I saw this terrified woman's skull explode in a disgusting cloud of red mush. Blood and brains plastered the wall behind her, a macabre remnant to a life that had eventually meant nothing.

I screamed a single word…for it was all I could do.

Finally, slowly, before the flickering flames met my bound feet, the inevitable happened.

I woke up.

"NO!"

* * *

**Note:** Please keep reading, as the Epilogue is to come!

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	7. Epilogue

'_Par Un Sourire (By One Smile)_

_Bonjour Tristesse' (Hello Sadness)_

La Vie Immédiate. P Éluad.

**Final Fantasy Eight  
BY ONE SMILE**

**JetNoir**

EPILOGUE

"_I will show you fear in a handful of dust"_

**The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot**

"Hyne!"

This was the singular word uttered by Selphie Tilmitt at the conclusion of Irvine Kinneas' story.

"That was the story of a lost city, Selphie," Irvine said softly, crouching until his sad eyes met hers, "that was my nightmare, that was the life that I have lead a hundred time, _every single night_! I feel if I am slowly going insane. Ultimecia's death…sometimes I wonder if that was the end for me. I only wanted happily ever after…is that too much to ask."

"Have you told anyone?" asked Selphie.

"Just Dr Kadowaki…but it's not as if she can deal with nightmares. What's it going to take?" Irvine shook his head, "I just don't know. Hard times are ahead…I feel it, deep in my heart, deep in my soul."

Irvine sighed heavily, and reached down to help Selphie to her feet. She brushed sand off her clothes, and on impulse, hugged him fiercely. Looking up at him she smiled:

"It's okay Irvy. I'll help you…and however corny this might sound…that's what friends are for." Irvine smiled slightly, and hugged her back.

"Thanks Selphie," he said, "thankyou."

Together, they turned and walked slowly towards Balamb Garden, arms intertwined, supporting each other, as only friends could.

A whole day had passed in the telling of Irvine's story, and behind them, the sun was slowly setting, falling and tumbling helplessly into the hungry sea. But it was not the end.

Dust and sand trailed in their wake as fear awakened in the hearts of thousands…and somewhere in the distance, dark clouds began to gather...

**To Be Continued**

* * *

**Note:** Wow…finished! This has been a pretty dark story to write, but it's been fun. Part two of the trilogy (of which I can't think of a good name for!) will be coming along shortly. Hope you enjoyed it, and please review.

**Disclaimer: **All the characters are copyright to Square Enix; and the story to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


End file.
